Your Family is Not Broken

Replacing the terms of divorce and helping your children heal,

3/22/20232 min read

I am still actively raising a school-aged child. She is young. 7 She was only 3 when her dad and I separated.

She cried today because she was lonely. Because she's the youngest. Because she wanted her siblings all with her. Because it's always just the two of us. And I cried because her little heart was hurting. To put this into context, she had a video chat with a friend who has siblings his age. He expressed something that he had with his siblings that she won't ever experience. She felt the void.

I also understand that the littles always wish for something else. They'll always want their family back together. I'd be lying if I said I didn't ever feel like that too. And so, I understand, and that's ok.

I acknowledge it. And let it pass through.

It' s the sorrow that a parent can feel for not being able to give their child what they most desire: mom and dad as a whole, intact family.

I'd love to change the perspective that children of divorced parents are from a "broken home." Your home isn't broken. Let's stop calling single parent families broken homes. What was broken was the toxic environment that caused the split family. What was broken was the relationships that created the co parenting.

As adults, it's our responsibility to heal ourselves so that we can heal our children before the world does more damage.

There is a ripple effect when you choose to step into healing and take yourself on. One person turns into generations of healed trauma and changed lives by being brave enough to heal from the past.

I have invested in emotional intelligence trainings, a leadership training, and therapy. I cannot stress the importance of therapy enough. I have also hired a life coach at one point in my journey. It is beyond helpful to have the accountability from another human who is not invested emotionally so that they can push you towards your goals. I highly recommend checking out online therapy. It was extremely helpful during 2020! My teenagers were able to use it in the privacy of their bedrooms. They were able to set up their own appointments and keep everything confidential.

Having tools to help your children is extremely important. Changing some of the terms with single parent homes may or may not ease the pain, but I dare say we must try. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a broken relationship, as long as you understand that the brokenness is not the identity of your family. Your children take on the identities we speak. They tell themselves stories and hold on to the idea that they are broken too. There can be beauty in the breaking. And there is also so much beauty in the healing.

Check out some online therapy programs. You won't regret taking that step.

And as always, be well. Heal well. And love yourself well.